Some time ago I attended a meeting of a TV/TG support and social group in a gay bar just round the corner from the Nightingale Club where the monthly Birmingham Bizarre Bazaar is held. Conversation soon turned to the BBB which one lady had mentioned as a safe space in which to spend the day dressed (which, of course, it is). Another lady commented that I would surely find shocking the things I might see there, what with whips and gags and those things you stick up peoples’ bums.
“Well” I said, “probably not You see, I identify as kinky and BDSM is a big part of my life. I enjoy hitting people and sticking things up their bottoms”
The meeting fell silent and the lady who was so appalled hasn’t spoken to me since. This was all a bit disappointing. I still fail to understand why people who identify on the LBGTQ spectrum have a problem with the accoutrements of consensual BDSM and feel the need to cut a fellow transwoman who identifies as kinky. There is stigma and prejudice enough, as most of those reading this will be only too aware, without such reactions from those one might expect to be more understanding.
So it was a degree of apprehension that I invited my friend Jane to join me and my slave and ta the February BBB. I haven’t known Jane that long. We met through a shared interest in vintage fashion last year and have met up on a few occasions since. I told her a while ago about my kink and she seemed understanding and non-judgemental. I could have guessed that she would react like this. Ladies who are into vintage tend, in my experience, to be tolerant and accepting. Jane likes burlesque and there is a considerable crossover between this and fetish clothing. And my Vivs have always attracted admiring comments at fetish events.
Nonetheless it was an eyeopener for her. We went for lunch and she had more questions than I had time to answer. She was intrigued by the relationship I have with my slave and genuinely curious. She loved much of the clothing that was on sale and had even tried on a latex dress but decided against a purchase (even though I think she looked fabulous in it). But her main impression was about the people.
“Everyone was so friendly” she said “so normal. And I hadn’t expected there wold be so many women.”
And this is the point for me. Look beyond the toys and the clothing and you see people, old, young, able-bodied and not, all genders and sexualities, and none. Just people, among them some of the loveliest people I have ever known. And I thought, too, how good it is to have a vanilla friend who sees that.
There is a large group on Fetlife for those kinksters with an interest in imprisonment role play. Within this a number of kinks are catered for….some like confinement and constraint, others the interaction with the guards and the humiliation play that this involves, the shouts, the insults, the demeaning rituals. I can do the first but really enjoy the second, which gives full reign to my sadistic imagination. I have run two prison events now and had a great time on both occasions. I have tormented my charges with forced exercise, humiliating prison work details (well what is a toothbrush for after all?), interrogation, punishment with the strap and, most recently, made them eat prison cabbage soup. Given the numbers of Fet who profess an interest in this kind of play I expected a little more interest than I actually had. But it seems that for most people this is a fantasy they are reluctant to turn into reality.
I suppose part of the reason must be that events run on the basis of consensual non-consent (as prison play has to be) seem to many to be for hardened masochists only. Yet they don’t have to be. Of course, you obey orders and take whatever comes your way. You don’t have a safe word and this can generate feelings of helplessness and vulnerability that may not be experienced in ordinary play. That doesn’t mean that I can do anything I want. This is, after all, CONSENSUAL non-consent. Discussion and negotiation of boundaries before the day are critically important. If you have too many limits this may not be the event for you and that has to be an element of being prepared to go with the flow but I have to respect limits and, equally importantly, read the reactions of my prisoners during scenes to gauge when they have had enough. In this sense it is not that different from more conventional play and yet………on the day it IS non-consent. I guess that makes people nervous. But get into the right head space and you can be taken to places far beyond the grim prison walls.
As I have written elsewhere I am still learning as a domme. I find prison days an incredibly rewarding learning experience. Humiliation and degradation are not things I can always do in other contexts and whilst I enjoy more gentle sensual play my sadistic side needs the outlet of being seriously mean to helpless victims. This includes getting inside their heads. It is not always about what you do but what you can get them to think you might do, in other words, preying on their fear of the unknown, the mindfuck
Best of all though, is the moment at the end when I pronounce the words “You are dismissed”, we move out of role and the nervous, scared prisoner breaks into a big smile that tells me he’s just had the time of his life. This is what makes it all worthwhile.